READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
