you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
