think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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