I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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