Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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