all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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