we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
