I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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