We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
