I wannas sexs uuuuu
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize