im having a threesome with these popsicles
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
COCAINE IS GR8
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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