my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Couch. On fire.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
