When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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