I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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