so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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