Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
