Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
