My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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