I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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