Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
