Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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