did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
