My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
