New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules