oh god the rape fog is back!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao