some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.