I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?