is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.