my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy