Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
