Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
