you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
