I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
