SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i now understand why vodka
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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