Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
