u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize