I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
