a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
