sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
