How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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