I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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