She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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