i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
