this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
