Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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