He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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