After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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