meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
