Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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