Who did Billy Mays play for?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
