I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize