There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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