I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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