It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
