I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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