My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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