I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize