party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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