I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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