Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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