I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
