So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
