I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
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i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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