Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
