i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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