Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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