I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
