I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sarcasm needs its own font
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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