He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
