went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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