why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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