Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
