I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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