First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
