if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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